AUTISM ETIQUETTE

5 practical suggestions for interactions with individuals on the autism spectrum

and their families.

            Many people feel awkward or uncomfortable around individuals with autism. While some just ignore them all together, others long to relate to this special group of individuals but don’t know what to say or how to act. I would like to offer a few suggestions that might help understand the dos and don’ts of autism.

            1/ Don’t label them. You wouldn’t refer to other individuals as “the diabetic man” or “the bi-polar woman” so refrain from saying “her autistic son” or “his autistic daughter.” If you are addressing their disability for some reason, say “her son with autism,” or “she also has a child with autism.” I know, sounds a bit picky, doesn’t it? But many parents don’t like the terminology “autistic son” or “autistic daughter” because it infers that their child’s identity is wrapped up in their diagnosis.

            2/ Don’t ignore them. So many individuals with autism or other disabilities feel invisible. Whether intentional or not, they are often ignored. Treat individuals with autism just like you would treat a neuro-typical person. Many individuals with autism don’t like to be touched, so you might refrain from shaking hands the first time you meet (If you know them and know they are comfortable touching another person, then by all means, proffer your hand – they might offer theirs in response but if they don’t, that’s okay too. Next time you’ll know). Ask questions to which they can nod, shake their head or answer “yes” or “no.” If they respond with more than a single word and you can’t understand them, listen to what they have to say anyway. Talk to them at an age-appropriate level. Never talk down, just because you aren’t sure whether or not they understand. We all want acceptance and long to feel included, and individuals with autism are no exception.

3/ Look at them. Most individuals on the autism spectrum don’t make eye contact because it makes them uncomfortable (mostly because facial expressions confuse them). But that doesn’t mean you can’t look at them while having a conversation. This simple act shows you are interested in what they have to say.

4/ Don’t judge. Unless you’ve raised a child on the autism spectrum, you have no idea what a challenge it can be, at home but especially in public. Stores, churches and any public place can cause sensory overload (too many sounds, noises that hurt their sensitive ears, blinding colors, etc…) which in turn can lead to a meltdown. What might look like a tantrum to you might be an autism meltdown. So don’t judge. Instead, give parents the benefit of the doubt

5/ Don’t offer platitudes. We really don’t want to hear phrases such as “he’ll get better,” “try this, try that,” “it’s just a phase,” “if it were my child….” Leave the recommendations to the experts. Mom and dad are trying their best. Instead, just be there for them. If they want help, they’ll ask for it.

I sincerely hope this article will help you befriend someone on the autism spectrum. If they don’t respond as you would expect, just remember, they are learning life skills and everyday there are new lessons to be learned. Keep trying. I promise, it is well worth the effort!

Questions, comments, suggestions from your own experience are always welcome. Please share with me in the comment box below.