JUDGE ME NOT

            If we are honest with ourselves, most of us are prone to judging others; their looks, their attitudes, their likes or dislikes, their values, their career choices. I admire the few who are out there who are more prone to loving than judging. They choose to see the best in people and see them, not for who they are but for who they have the potential to become.

            I am ashamed to say that I was one of those judgmental people, quick to disapprove, especially when it came to raising children. I’d hear a child screaming in the store and think to myself “what that child needs is some discipline.”

            Until I had Benjamin.

My son has autism and a big part of that is frequent meltdowns. Especially in public places, where the sensory overloads are just too overwhelming for him. He’s able to cope with it now, but at the age of three, Walmart was simply too much for little Benjamin.

A few years ago, our family was on a trip to Indiana and, after a long four hours’ drive with yet another three to go, I decided we ought to take a break and stretch our legs. A very poor decision on my part. Not to take a break, but to do it in Walmart. The kids were tired, they were cranky and hungry. That should have been clue number one. But I wasn’t really paying attention to them, thinking only of the remainder of the trip that lay ahead. Silly me!

I asked my husband, Len, to walk the kids around while I rushed over to the food section for a few snacks and drinks. I was trying to collect my purchases as quickly as I could, when a loud scream erupted from the other end of the store. My heart sank. I knew that sound and it was coming through loud and clear. Benjamin was beginning a meltdown.

The wailing continued as I rushed to get the drinks. I was hoping my husband could corral our three little boys, get them out the door and into the van. As the screams continued and I dashed towards the check-out lanes, I passed a woman and her husband who were also shopping. I couldn’t help but overhear the woman tell her husband “what that kid needs is a good spanking.”

The mother bear in me reared up. I hurried over to the pair, got in their faces and told them “that’s my son you’re speaking about and he’s autistic.”

The poor couple I’d just chewed out looked very shocked, then shame-faced. I turned around, turned my cart towards the exit and stomped off in a fit of righteous indignation. How dare they criticize my son and my parenting skills!

I’ve heard the same words over and over since that fateful day. In fact, it was just last week when I was shopping at a supermarket when some child started screaming so loudly it could be heard clear across the building. I noticed two women standing there, frowning. They glanced at me, then shrugged as if to say “what can you do?” Gently, I said “maybe that child has autism.” The two women exchanged looks then smiled at me. “I hadn’t thought of that,” one of them said.

Instead of judging the judgers, I’ve chosen to be proactive and educate people about autism and meltdowns. Judging doesn’t do anyone any good. Educating others, on the other hand, can create big changes that will, hopefully, have a ripple effect of making people choose kindness over ignorant criticism.

I’m thinking of the woman who recently traveled on an airline with her autistic daughter. When the girl had a meltdown during the flight, most of the passengers complained and asked for them to be removed from the aircraft. One mother extended kindness instead and left a note with an attendant to give to the mother. The note read “I’m not a parent, but I am a teacher and I see a lot of parents. I know your job isn’t easy but I can tell you are a wonderful mother with a lot of patience. I wish I could offer you more than a letter but I hope this brightens your day a little. Have a wonderful holiday season!”

The two women connected afterwards and are close friends. Our world needs more people like that. People who choose to see the good in others and cheer them on, regardless of what the rest of the crowd thinks.

Proverbs 16:24 tells us, “A kind word is like honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

            Believe the best in others. Don’t judge. Instead, offer a helping hand and a caring heart. A kind note will do too.

What do you think about this post? Have you experienced unwarranted criticism because of your special needs child? Please leave comments below. And don't forget to sign up to automatically receive new posts with the email option at the top of this page. Thank you!

About the author
I grew up in France, the daughter of missionaries with The Evangelical Alliance Mission (TEAM). I attended Emmaus Bible College in Switzerland and graduated with a degree in Bible and Theology. I now live in the Ozarks with my husband and three sons, one of whom has been diagnosed with Asperger's. I am a member of the Ozarks Chapter of American Christian Writers and a founding member of the Jerry Jenkins Writers' Guild.