Come rest a while

Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while.

Mark 6:31

               

            Rest. Just reading that simple, four-letter word produces a feeling of euphoria within me. Visions of a good night’s sleep or peaceful, uninterrupted reading with a cup of tea in hand fill my brain. The house is clean, the kids aren’t fighting, the lawn is mowed and the weeds hacked down, the check book reflects a decent balance and the sun is shining. Rest.

            But real life is far from restful. Truth is, my house looks like it’s been trashed by robbers, the boys are tired of hunkering down until the heat wave passes by, money seems to fly out the window faster than it comes in and I’m constantly washing clothes, dishes and dirty floors. The housework never seems to end, the yard has turned into a jungle, the lights on my car dash all warn of impending doom and nothing I cook for dinner pleases my kids.

            Rest. It’s often scarce for parents, but especially those who have children with disabilities. We get so caught up with driving our child to the doctor, the counselor, various therapies and back and forth from school because they can’t ride the bus that we begin to feel more like a chauffeur than a parent. In between trips, we try to cope with the house, the yard, the budget and the curve-balls life throws at us.

            Rest? Yeah, uh-huh. Maybe once the kids are grown, or I retire, or I crack up.

            But the truth of it is, we all need some time to rest, time to relax, to let our bodies and minds renew themselves. Obviously this is a common problem, not just reserved for busy moms. God addresses it over and over in the Bible, from Genesis where He created the seventh day as a day of rest to the book of Revelation (14:13). Jesus told his disciples “Come away by yourselves to secluded place and rest a while” (Mark 6:31). Jesus himself, though he was the Son of God, sought times of solitude. During those times he prayed and talked with his heavenly Father. He offers rest to each one of us. “Come unto me, you who are weary, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).  

            Rest. We all need it. Some of us think we don’t, or assume that we can’t afford to stop our break-neck way of life. But the truth is, the faster you run the sooner you’ll crash. Rest is vital to our well-being. It is vital to being a good parent. If we don’t take care of ourselves, then we risk burn-out. We become short-tempered with our kids, snap at our spouses and have no energy to spend quality time with our families.

            Here are a few thoughts;

1.      Rest is not always equivalent with sleep. Although a good night’s sleep is important to our physical and mental well-being, we also need some time get involved in activities that bring us joy. One of my favorites is writing. It brings me joy and a feeling of fulfillment. What activities bring you joy? How can you carve out regular time to rest and do what pleases you most? Don’t put aside your own enjoyment, just for the sake of having a tidy house and a pristine lawn. There will always be ‘jobs’ that need to be done. The house will always need cleaning - especially if you have three boys and live in the country. But your own well-being needs to take precedence over keeping up appearances.

2.      Rest sometimes requires asking others for help. Some people are blessed with families that live nearby, who help watch the kids for an hour or two. For those of us whose families are not so close, we need to find the courage to either ask for help or take turns with our spouses so both can pursue their interests or hobbies. When our twins were first born, my parents spent a couple of weeks helping us care for these two little guys and our twenty-two month-old son Andrew. Our house resembled a fast-action movie with adults running about, filling bottles, cuddling fussy babies, feeding, changing diapers, drying tears and sleeping in spurts. All four of us adults walked about with heavy eyelids and a perpetual desire for sleep. When my parents had to leave, Len and I felt like zombies trying to keep up with three little ones. My parents appealed to their home church which happened to be in the same town as our house. I am so glad they asked for help because one elderly lady, who couldn’t do much but sit, volunteered to come hold and tend to Benjamin while Len was at work. She was such a blessing! She sat in our rocking chair and held our special-needs son all day long. She changed his diapers, fed him his bottle and made life so much easier for me. We couldn’t have done it without Grandma Kay.

I know it’s hard to ask for help. Everybody else is so busy with families and responsibilities that we hesitate to burden others with our need. Yet, at times, we need to speak up. God gave us human families and church families so that we don’t have to go it alone. This is especially important for those of us who have children with special needs. Truth is, they require a lot of our time and much patience. Caring for a special-needs child can be very wearying and sometimes, just an hour or so away from the strain of their intense needs can give us the break we so desperately need.

3.      Rest is not optional. It is vital to our well-being and our children and spouse’s happiness. Sometimes I find myself snapping at everyone because I’m so overwhelmed with all the responsibilities and tasks that need to get done. I feel like I’m drowning in my to-do list. That’s when I need to take a rest the most. When I started attending a writers’ group in Springfield one Saturday a month, I worried how the kids and husband would fare without me for a whole morning. I had visions of coming home to a messy house, kids arguing and a husband who’d turned bald from tearing his hair out. But I did it anyway. Because I need that time away. I need to participate in activities that bring me joy and pull me away from the daily frazzle of life. Funny thing is, my kids were fine, my husband survived and the house was still standing. I just needed to step away and discover that my family can survive without me (for a short while, at least). When we asked Grandma Kay to help with our newborns, she was thrilled to her days with a family, helping out and cuddling a baby all day long; she lived alone and was feeling very lonely and useless. Helping us helped her too. As parents of special-needs children, we tend to think no one can care for our child like we can. We hesitate to leave them in the care of others because we worry they won’t be able to cope with our child’s special quirks. But in the process, we rob ourselves from much needed rest and rob others of the opportunity of learning to love and know our precious children.

Feeling tired, cranky, in need of rest? Maybe it’s time to sort out your priorities. Does your house need to be in perfect order or could you skip the tidying up once in a while so you can do activities that bring you joy? Could you ask someone you trust to watch your children for an hour or so once a week? In Missouri, Easter Seals provides respite care for children with disabilities so their parents can go out on a date or simply go shopping without stress. Can you and your husband take turns watching the kids so both of you can enjoy some time alone?

God offers rest. He created rest. Why don’t you turn to Him today and ask Him to help you find a way to get some of His much-needed rest? You might discover that’s just what the doctor ordered.